Mercy Celeste

Mobile County Schools are officially out for Spring Break this week. We take ours later in the spring because of Mardi Gras break, I suppose. It’s actually nice outside today. Not hot yet. I think we hit the 80 degree mark. Low humidity, and bright sun. So what did we do with the first day of Spring Break?

Well, Alaina cut most of the front yard while Aubrey picked up storm debris and I attempted to power wash the front steps. The winter lichen was super thick this year. Unfortunately, I’m washing away more mortar than lichen… and that’s a problem. I got soaked. It’s not warm enough for me to be soaked to the skin with cold water.

We can’t do yard work on Sundays in this HOA. At least we can’t run mowers and other loud yard tools. That doesn’t stop the people who have ATVs from riding them around at full speed from doing whatever they want, but no, no lawn mowers. Which would be nice, if Sunday wasn’t the only full day we have to do that work.

While we were out a Rottweiler dragging it’s chain moseyed up. He looked healthy, not like he was thrown out recently at least. I think he simply broke his chain and took himself for a walk. He started to go after Aubrey but stopped when I shouted No… No. He kind of shrugged and went back to moseying on down the road, to chase a couple guys out for a run.

I don’t understand the people who get big animals, and this guy wasn’t that big, he might have been part Rottie, or just a half grown pup, but he was still bigger than my pups, and keep them outside on a chain. It’s wrong. Poor buddies. If you can’t make them a space inside or at least in a dedicated place inside a fence you shouldn’t have one. Point blank. In fact, I hate collars. I don’t put collars on any of my pets. I hate them. Harnesses for leashes. No collars at all. Nothing in the house or back yard. I can’t stand things around my neck, so I don’t do that to my buddies.

Anyway, enough of that.

One week. That’s all Aubrey has left of school. One week and the few days of special events leading up to graduation on the 13th and they’re done.

It’s done. 28 years of having a kid in public school is over. I’m in that weird, so happy that part of my life is over, but oh my god my baby is grown, stage. And it’s hitting hard.

Harder than it should because of other circumstances, that I won’t go into.

I think my face may be slightly sunburned. Wow… I’m just rambling… but… that’s all I ever do.

So, what’s up for this week? Going to try to get out a couple of days this week, dropping the two left at home at an Anime convention for one, and just getting out of town for another. I’m so sick of this town. If I had some money, I’d love to go on an actual vacation, but I don’t. And I don’t have a pet sitter so there’s that.

About books…

Everything not currently in Kindle Unlimited are live on Kobo and Apple again. I’m not going to update the individual pages because this site will be closing in less than a month. But they’re there. Most of them are now available for a slight discount in my Payhip store. I still have to get a few more up there. I’m just too lazy to bother.

No, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Thanks for asking.

I’m enjoying not worrying about what I write here because I get so very few visitors. I don’t miss social media. AT ALL. Hell, I hate most of it. I hate playing for an audience. I hate worrying something I say will upset someone. And end up upsetting people. I absolutely hate the people who come into my comments and tell me I’ve done something wrong or explain shit to me like I don’t know what I’m talking about… people who never say one damn thing to me unless it’s to nitpick shit. I don’t nitpick anyone. I don’t mess with other people. Hell, I can’t even post my opinion of a damn TV show without getting blessed out for having a differing opinion. Look, y’all do you, you like it, that’s great, carry on, enjoy, sing it from the rafters, I will not come on to tell you why I think it sucked.

Stuff and bother.

Honestly, something happened earlier this year that has damn near destroyed me. It’s hurt most of us. We don’t speak of it. It’s deeply personal. But we’re trying to go on with life as if that something isn’t real. And that hurts… yeah, I know, vague much. I can not and will not discuss this publicly. I’ve only told two people outside my family. But… despite that… maybe because of that, I’ve decided it’s time to stop worrying about other people who don’t give a shit about me. I can’t continue to wallow. It’s time to move on. I’ve lost so much over the past decade. Not a writing career. I have no family left outside of those in this house. I’m related to a lot of people but I don’t know them. So that’s it, my parents are gone, my siblings are gone… it’s just us left. I’m done dealing with loss and grief. I’m tired of allowing others to hurt me.

Yeah, I know, you’re done listening to me rant. Not much left of this but that.

It’s time to figure out how to move forward, and if it’s not this, then… so be it. It’s time to restart… or walk away completely. Now I’m talking about being Mercy.

I can’t write the way I did in the beginning. I may never be able to recapture that voice. But I no longer want to write dark and bitter stories either. I don’t know what I want to write. It’s not football. I do find myself wanting to write something again. I’m torn between writing for money, and writing for self. Once I could do both. Now… I don’t write what sells. I don’t know who I am now to write for that.

So,

That’s my thousand words for the day… I need to control my ADHD and get off my ass and get going.

Peace,

Mercy

Book of the Day, My very first published book from way back in 2005. It’s older than my youngest kid. Are you brave enough to see where I began?  Originally published by Ellora’s Cave.

Through the Ghost