Take… Infinity!!!!

I’ve lost track of how many posts I’ve started over the past couple of weeks or so only to have something come up, save the post to draft, and never get back to the post.

Three, maybe five. By the time I can get back the need to discuss that has died, or the reason is no longer timely.

Meh. Does it really matter? No one reads blog posts anymore anyway. It’s a dying medium.

It’s dead.

I think I’m the only writer I know who still attempts a blog. Most websites are just that, websites. Static pages with, usually, out of date book news.

I should go back to social media.

Should.

I do visit social media. I check FB and Twitter (no, I will not call it the new name) daily. I keep up with world events on Twitter. I keep up with rage baiting on Twitter too. I try to limit Twitter to save my sanity. On FB I check in on friends, maybe comment, but I rarely see anything new, and honestly, the longer I’m avoiding posting the more I feel left behind.

I am not going to say I feel abandoned by friends. I do, but it’s not their fault. I chose to move out of their neighborhood, so to speak, and now I’m an outsider looking in. But really it’s more like… I never fit in there to begin with and I was pasting on a fake grin and attempting to be normal. When I’m not normal.

Honestly, I just got tired of posting vapid, inane comments about the weather or my pets because I couldn’t think of anything engaging to discuss.

I don’t go anywhere anymore. I don’t meet anyone. I keep to myself. I don’t get around well anymore. I don’t have time or transportation… so, yeah, as I become more isolated, I isolate more. I am aware of what I’m doing. I just really don’t much care to attempt a course correction.

I have real friends. People I’ve known forever, and we keep in touch, but like me they’re busy, we’re all busy. We’re old and busy with lives that don’t include each other. As it should be, but damn, it gets lonely sometimes. Of course, I could be lonely in a room full of people, and let’s be honest, I’m, usually, lonelier in a room full of people.

So, yes, I’ve been busy shutting down, and sometimes I feel forgotten. But that’s been the way of it my entire life. I have been forgotten mid-sentence on more than one occasion. Had people turn their back on me and take up a conversation with someone else right in front of me as if I suddenly ceased to exist…

Sighs… I don’t know if I’m feeling sorry for myself right now. Honestly, I can’t tell. Honestly, I feel… strangely free. I don’t know how to explain it.

Like I was going through the motions but wasn’t really there with people I knew weren’t really there for me, just… I don’t know…

Part of this is because we’re exactly one month away from the end of my youngest’s high school days. A month and a half until graduation. And that’s all I’m living for. To get this one last baby grown, and onto their next phase of life. Which opens up a whole nuther can of worms. That with each passing month is driven home, that I have spent my entire life, all of it, taking care of the people I love, knowing damn well that the people I love wouldn’t even bother to step over me if I fell in front of them. Not including my youngest. At least not yet. I believe they’ve watched their siblings turn into the people they became and has felt that rejection even more keenly that I have. But that’s a topic I don’t often discuss… I share a room with a person that will not notice if I died in my sleep… and to know that, to live with that knowledge of just how little you mean to the people who mean the most to you… it’s… numbing.

But here I stay, because, hell, does it matter. I stayed this long.

Is this post about books and stories and social media or the things I don’t talk about?

It’s all the same. I write to deal with the part of life I have no control over. I write to keep myself sane. The part I have no control over now controls me and destroys my urge to write.

I don’t want to write about happy ever afters when there really is no such thing… rinse, repeat.

Then there’s the state of the publishing world. The constant drama. The constant scandal. The oversaturation of shitty books. Authors who behave so very badly and give the rest of us a bad name. Entitled readers who destroy the moment their demands aren’t met… round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel…

I’m just fucking exhausted. I’m sick of everybody’s shit. I’m absolutely fucking over all of it.

So, yes, I’ve done in my online life what I want to do in my real life. Walk away. I want to sell everything I own, park my kid in college… as much as I love them and feel they are the best part of my life right now… I want to spend the rest of my life, not taking care of anyone but me.

Will I do that?

No. I can’t afford to walk away anymore than I can afford to walk away from writing. But sometimes… SOMETIMES…

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Me, I’d pay off my house, and… well, that would be telling, now wouldn’t it…………..

 

Mercy

Saturday Musings

How is it already the middle of March?

The eternal question isn’t it?

So let’s talk books and bookish stuff today while dog two barks his fool head off at everything that passes by outside.

My books.

Okay, right now we are headed into the home stretch of about half the books still in Kindle Unlimited, leaving KU… does that make sense? The phrasing. I swear sometimes I can’t remember how to string words together.

Those include the last of the stand-alones and the cold and lace series. April 10th will be the last day to get the following books into your KU library if you haven’t already:

Through the Ghost

Sunny with a Chance

Double Coverage

Wicked Game

Behind Iron Lace

In from the Cold

Need You Now

Light from the Dark

Behind Frosted Lace

and

Cold Shadow

 

And April 24th will be the final day for the Southern Scrimmage Series and the Adventure INK series.

I’ll be all out for the rest of the year.

However, you can go over to Kobo and read everything, including Under a Crescent Moon, free in Kobo Plus.

 

What else?

Uh, Payhip… If it’s not in KU it’s live on Payhip for 99 cents less if you’d like to buy it. I’d appreciate it if you did. I get the money immediately, not two months from now. As the books drop out of KU I’ll make them live in my store again. I do have a few titles that I haven’t listed to payhip. I need to get those up. The new Light from the Dark is one. The others are books no one seems interested in so I haven’t been too much in a hurry to bother.

I do have a few copies of 3 print books still in stock, they’re no longer for sale anywhere else. You can get them signed and shipped, from my payhip store.

After that, there’s not much else to talk about book wise.

Half of my library is available at Amazon, Apple, Kobo, and Payhip. You can read everything on Kobo in Kobo plus with their subscription service. Click the menu above for Stand Alone and Series titles, then click the cover photo for blurbs and buy links.

 

Now, random shit for the sake of randoming…

Meh, not much to talk about really. Just basic bitching about the state of the book business in general if you want to hear about it.

Amazon posts the pay rates and earnings data on the 15th of the month. So, yesterday they posted for February. I haven’t checked it yet. I usually do a book sales and page read accounting on the 2nd of each month then compare that with the official accounting on the 15th. I usually go to the Excel doc to calculate the pay rate for page reads. Last month, the rate for January had fallen to $0.00403 per page read US currency. That was probably the lowest I’ve ever seen it. It used to hover around $0.0044, something or other. That’s a significant drop when you’re counting thousandths of a penny.

With the rising cost of KU subscriptions and the falling payout to authors… I don’t know why authors stay in it. I mean other than the fact that there’s no real sales in wide release. I can understand the fast food genre of books to that extent I guess. Books have no monetary value any more. Just content. Two or three AI or recycled ghost written stories a month in KU is enough to keep someone in money. But I just can’t do that. And that’s what we’re competing against.

For the record, I write every single word of my books. I struggle with plot and timing and getting the story that I want to tell out of my head. I have never taken a shortcut when writing. Never and I never will. I can write a short story in a week, but that’s just the first draft. The second and third draft take more time. Editing and revisions take time. For longer stories it takes me months, sometimes a year. Writing… creating… takes time. It takes dedication… it takes determination. It literally takes blood, sweat, and tears. And I’m not willing to sacrifice that to compete with AI generated books. And Amazon is quite literally ate up with AI crafted stories by people who couldn’t write their way out of a paper bag.

And that’s the market now.

It’s been that way for a long time.

Now before someone gets their knickers twisted, there are people who can write fast, from scratch. But even they can’t churn out long stories two or three times a month. It’s not possible. Or it’s not good.

Am I angry about it?

Not anymore. I was. For a long time. Now, I’m just sad.

I’m sad because so many writers that started out around the time I did that I genuinely loved their work are now gone. They were either bullied out, or couldn’t compete and just gave up. And that’s the shame of it all.

What makes me angry though, are readers who bitch and moan about the lack of quality books in their favorite genre, but are very quick to tear down the writers and I do mean writers, who are trying, and most times brilliantly, for not meeting their exacting standards. It makes me angry because they don’t like the AI stuff but actively work against those that don’t cut the corners for multiple releases each month.

You can’t have it both ways.

So there are typos… have you read the shit that passes for stories now? You don’t like the grammar… you didn’t like this that or the other… so you bully and one star and actively contribute to the reason writers stop writing.

The cold hard truth of publishing, especially as an indie, is that it costs a fortune, in time, and money, to produce a book. Editors are hard to come by, and expensive. Great editors are not attainable, even if you have the money. One round of editing is not enough, two or three rounds are needed, and all of that costs. Covers, good covers, cost. Promotion costs. The time of relevance for a book now days is less than a week. You have a week and then it’s old and forgotten. A week is not enough time to build word of mouth. I don’t think word of mouth even exists anymore. If you can’t get something on BookTok then you are SOL. (that’s shit out of luck for those that don’t know).

And on top of that, there are literally thousands of new AI written books out every week. If they are well promoted, they hit, make the money, then fade in time for the next book to hit.

There is no competing in this market.

I can say that I probably cost myself my career. I’m not exactly likable. I am socially awkward. I am blunt. I say what I think when I think it. I was bitter and angry and I drove people away. I own that shit. The rest of it… yeah, I can’t compete. I can’t afford to write. I have 33 published books that make no money.

It is what it is… there’s no changing that. I stopped asking for anything. It is what it is.

But now you know at least some of it.

There’s tons more. I don’t have a monkey in any of those circuses so I don’t speak of it.

I’m not saying this to shame people who use AI or read KU. Y’all do what works for you. I don’t use AI but I do have KU because I’m broke as fuck and that’s all I can afford. I get it. I know.

I’m just posting to hear myself post. It’s all about the content. We live and die by content.

This is my content.

You know where to find me.

Peace,

Mercy

 

Random Weirdness and the beginning of the end

So, you get a puppy, and over the course of a few months you try to leash train your puppy, but your puppy is part velociraptor and part Tasmanian Devil and just eats all the leashes. until you give up. And then when the puppy is right around two years old, and you’re cleaning up all the old dog stuff he randomly spots his old collar and last surviving leash and randomly takes them from the pile, and brings them, gently offering them to his person, and his person flabberghastedly puts the collar on, and said puppy now wants to be walked around like a show pony and seems like he’s having the time of his life, to the point that your kids decide he can be trusted to walk on the sidewalk in front…

Yeah, the damned dog just randomly leash trained himself. Now I have to buy him a new collar that fits his two year old neck, and a new leash that isn’t half chewed through so he can go for daily walkies. I wonder how he’ll do with a harness instead of a collar?

And the neurotic old dog that would never go for a walk anywhere and always had to be carried back to the house is like, wait, what about me? I want to go walkies… Yeah, this is going to be fun.

I wonder if the cat wants to go walkies, I mean she’s more of a dog than either dog is. And she does not like to be left out.

My animals are weird.

It is what it is.

Speaking of weird… tomorrow the small child is off to Prom!

We pieced together a suit from the thrift stores. Black jacket, black vest, black pants, purple shirt. No tie. I think they’re doing a dragon brooch instead. A pair of funky as hell pointed toe black leather booties with silver buckles and studs from Plato’s Closet, that were originally two hundred bucks that we got for 18 bucks in great shape, and a silver chain belt from the Target little girls section, because there were no funky chain belts in the adult sections, and they can still wear belts from the little girls section. Not pants or tops, not that they’d want too, but belts, and shoes.

And after years of having no interest what-so-ever in going to dances or anything remotely dressy or social, they are going to prom. Tomorrow. And that’s it. That’s the first step to the end.

I knew it was coming. It’s been coming since August. The first day of the last year. The college applications, made it very clear time was moving inexorably in that direction, college acceptance sealed the deal. But here we are, tomorrow is the final day of the third quarter of the last semester of their senior year. Tuesday is the first day of the last everything. The final day for seniors is April 26th. So a month and a half. Final spring break will fall in there. Then graduation on May 13th. Then 18th birthday in June… and that’s it.

My last baby will be all grown up.

I’m so happy, and proud, but at the same time, I’m sad. So very sad. It hurts. It hurt with the other three too, but that first one to go, and this last one… yeah, these hurt the most. Not in a bad way hurt… just that… my babies are grown bittersweet way.

Sometimes I think they’re still the little towheaded curly tops with pudgy faces and little legs committing mayhem and cuteness… the next they’re taller than me, and full fledged adults.

And you think about your parents, who are now gone, and wonder if they felt the same when it was you.

And that’s where we are right now… free falling into adulthood…

SIGHS!

Random big thoughts on the middle Thursday in March…

But life goes on, and dogs must have collars, and kids must leave the nest… it is what it is.

 

Peace,

Mercy

disclaimer: not my dogs

 

 

OK, Let’s Talk About “IT”

And by IT I don’t mean I-T like in whatever IT stands for in Tech (because I really don’t know and will probably feel stupid when told) nor do I mean the other “it” like we called IT when we were kids and we didn’t exactly know what IT was, and didn’t want to say sex or the other words associated with sex.

I’m talking about the “IT” from the last post.

The Vella stuff. And other fun things that that “bookseller” has done to writers over the past fifteen years.

So, yes, I pulled my two stories from Vella because I did not agree with the new changes to the program, changes that did favor the reader, but not the content creator. I’m not going to apologize for that. Ever.

I’m not anti-reader. I’m not. I’m pro-reader. Which is why you will find my books in Kindle Unlimited. I’m not even anti-Amazon. I do have a KU subscription, and I do use their services. Am I happy about it… well, I’d be happier if the stores in my city carried the stuff I need so I could keep them in business, but that is obviously not what brick and mortar stores are into anymore… so, yeah, Amazon is, unfortunately, necessary.

And I’m not going to add evil to that.

At the heart of Amazon is a huge network of small businesses. Most of Amazon is small businesses. Amazon wouldn’t exist without small businesses. And I’m a small business that operates on Amazon. And for a while I made a nice living from Amazon.

BUT… let’s just say that the hand that feeds should not treat it’s merchants so very badly in pursuit of another billion dollar profit.

And why do people feel the need to feel offended on behalf of a billion dollar corporation getting rightly called out for doing sketchy shit?

So, yes, after a few days, the attitude over on the KDP community boards has shifted dramatically from adapt and stop complaining to the reality of what the changes will mean, to creators… and then to readers. Readers who will blame the creator for how they adapt.

And how should the creator adapt? With no idea how the new structure will be, how do you determine the best course of action? No one knows what the lowest word count will be now. Will it still be 600 words? Will it go up to at least 1000 words which was more or less about 10 tokens? How do you adapt with no guidelines to tell you what to adapt to? Or is that the plan? Just announce changes. Don’t announce how the changes will work for creators. Don’t announce when the changes will be implemented. Just start something and walk away.

So, yes, let’s talk about this. How Amazon has done this over and over and over and OVER. How they start something without understanding how it will work and then changing when it goes awry. How the new changes are supposed to be reader friendly but end up hurting the creator who is then blamed by the reader for adapting.

 

BIG SIGHS… Let’s talk about the last time Amazon did something awesome for the reader. They offered an audible book trade in program. Trade in your old audio books for credits for new audio books. Which was absolutely awesome of them. Except, no one mentioned that those trade-ins were counted as returns, and the returns were subtracted from the creator’s royalties. It didn’t matter how old the purchase. That trade was taken in full from royalties. And that happened for a long time. Long enough that I lost a couple hundred dollars and was the main reason I chose to remove my one audio when the contract time was up.

They gleefully continued to push the trade-in campaign making it sound great and awesome to the consumer. And honestly, it was a nice perk. But that’s the problem. Everything Amazon does, and yes, Amazon owns Audible so this is Amazon, everything they do that is great for getting and keeping consumers usually means the people who give them product to sell and make profits off of are screwed. If Amazon offered the credits at their own expense that would be one thing. If they offer perks like that they should cover the full cost of the perk. But no, they quietly charged the creator for those trades. Long past the seven day return policy (which is a whole kettle of rotten fish of it’s own).

I usually had 4 or 5 audio sales a month at the time. I made a few dollars. It wasn’t much, because their Audible membership structure was shit (again another kettle of rotten fish). I started having 2 or 3 returns a month and then 6 0r 7 returns. Those returns were debited and ate up the new royalties, and then pushed me into negatives. Six months of this before the shit finally hit the fan. A few more months before Amazon caved and ended the program. But it was creators being greedy and stopping a great thing…

I could discuss KU now, but it will just make me crazy… okay crazier… so I won’t. KU is not fair. It’s never been fair. But it’s not going to change, so until readers get fed up with the ever increasing monthly fee, it will be as it is, and creators know this and can opt in or out accordingly.

But let’s go back to Vella now.

And why it’s a problem. And why I say it will end up failing because readers will blame creators for adapting in a way that works for them in a bad situation.

The positive for readers is the change from 3 free episodes to 10.

The negative for readers is the loss of the 200 free tokens, in exchange for those additional free episodes.

The positive for readers is the flat rate of 10 tokens per episode and a better structured token package for purchase.

 

Seems fine on the surface. Seems really nice. Seems like they’re streamlining, working the bugs out. Getting ready to roll the service out to other countries now that they know what readers want. Sounds like they figured it all out.

But… now the creators of that content have to decide if the 2 or 3 thousand word episodes they write are worth the changes. If the lowest word count stays at 600 words then that sets the 10 tokes at 600 words.

If the 2 to 3 thousand word episodes up to 10 episodes being 20 to 30 thousand words free is something they can defend. I have whole stories in the 20 to 30 thousand word range. That means no more short stories. Or… they cut all of those chapters into 600 word fragments. Which will fit the 10 token structure as it is right now. Which means that readers will still get around the same 6,000 words free that they were getting in the 3 free episodes. Just more chopped up.

This is how you adapt when the program perks are not assumed by the entity providing the perks. Royalties and bonuses are already murky as to how they’re figured. 10 tokens is less than 10 cents per episode read. Bonuses are paid for free chapters or aren’t paid for free chapters… I don’t know. No more free tokens so that takes that out of the are they or aren’t they considered for bonuses speculation. Can we or can’t we offer the episodes in other places like through Book Funnel or Patreon?

Why is it so hard to find Vella on the main Amazon site? Why don’t they do more to promote it?

So many questions.

When it comes down to it, I don’t think most readers like reading a book a chapter at a time and will avoid the program. But there are readers who like that structure. And those readers will, in the end, blame the creator for how they adapt to the new rules.

For me, I never found a following there. From my own lack of ability to function last year, but also from my distrust of the model and the service provider. It was just too damn unclear in how it worked and when I thought I had it figured out, they changed it.

So… that’s my take on it. I’m all for giving the reader/consumer all the perks in the world. But… I’m tired of having those perks forced on me as the creator. I just want to create. I want to make money off what I create, so I can afford to create more. I’m happy to participate in a perks program, if I am adequately compensated in return.

And that’s the bottom line with most creators I think. Take care of us, and we’ll do our best to take care of you.

 

Anyway, that’s my two cents worth on the subject…

But I’ll just say this… Kobo has Kobo plus in which you can read books for free, they have a free trial and it costs much less than KU. They also offer a free book after so many purchases, that they don’t force the creator to cover. It’s free to you, and we get the royalty.

I mean, if you were interested.

 

As always…. Peace,

Mercy

Kindle Vella update

So, the rumors were true.

I know y’all don’t run in the same media circles I do. I don’t run in the same media circles others do. I barely run in any media circles so I usually don’t know what’s going on. But, sometimes I run in the right circles, at least enough to keep me updated as to the things that might be coming up… yeah, I know… what the fuck did she just say?

I’ve been hearing/reading for a while now that big changes were coming to Kindle Vella. Not good changes from a creator POV. Maybe good for readers, but at what cost. It really is a double sided coin of how this news lands.

So, Vella, I jumped in at the end of ’22 just in time for my husband to nearly die of Covid related symptoms. I think I made a grand total of 8 bucks for those early chapters. I put the book on hold until I could manage to get back to it only for the compensation rules to change. I haven’t made another cent on the chapters I did publish. I stopped publishing chapters because of the changes.

Anyway, I follow TicTok’ers who talk about rumored upcoming changes the writing community needs to be aware of. Again, it’s all speculation and just that, rumor. But where there is rumor, there is often times truth.

And I got the email today letting me know that rumor was in fact, truth.

Vella has changed it’s terms. It’s a win for readers. But not for writers.

As it was, for writers of the episodes, the first 3 episodes were free to read, and each episode after that was paid based on word count and tokens charged per episode. Each episode had a minimum word count. I believe it was 600 words. I don’t know if there was a maximum word count, I can’t remember. I know that I write chapters between 1000 and 2000 words. So each episode had a different token cost. And new readers were gifted 200 free tokens to get them started. Tokens were then sold in lots. Don’t ask me how that worked. I was confused about it then.

At some point over the last year, or maybe it was always the case, but those free tokens stopped counting toward compensation for episodes read. So, no royalties were paid to writers for the first three chapters, nor any chapter read that was paid for with free tokens. And with 200 tokens that could be whole books. From what I heard, and yes it is all hearsay, most readers abandoned the program after the free tokens were used up. Again, I don’t know.

I’m not saying it’s wrong for readers to use free tools when provided. Use those free things that are provided. It’s wrong for the provider of free items to change the terms of service to the creator of the product being consumed… does that make sense? If the provider of free services, IE the seller, offers the consumer a free service, and tells the creator of the product they are offering for free that the creator will be compensated for the free service, then the provider of free should not be able to change the terms of compensation to the creator without giving them alternative avenues of income………………. SIGHS! I’m muddling this up.

Okay… anyway, the new terms of KV are as follows, paraphrased.

Readers wanted more free episodes to “hook” them into spending money on tokens. The free episodes have now gone from 3 to 10 with no compensation for those 7 additional episodes, no matter how long those episodes are.

But readers will no longer be offered the 200 free tokens, since the next few episodes are now free.

AND the cost of token bundles is being streamlined into lots of 100, 300, 900… etc. I don’t know how that works but that’s what I can report. While the cost of all episodes, no matter the word count will now be 10 tokens. Across the board.  A 600 word episode and a 2000 word episode will now cost the same to the reader. Great for the reader, not great for the writer.

Now, I’ve always been confused as to compensation for episodes read. I think I made a dollar in actual royalties early last year, the other 7 bucks was from the bonus slush fund. I think I had 90 episodes read, including free episodes. I am still confused as to how they will be compensating writers. It is still 50% of the purchase price of paid tokens. I was not compensated from the bonus slush for free episodes last year. I don’t know if those 10 chapters will be counted in the bonus slush pay.

I just… it’s a terms of service change with little to no actual notice for a service that was already murky… so… I requested to have my two stories removed. I guess the Zon anticipated the mass exodus and had operators on stand-by. My two stories were down in less than half an hour.

So, yeah, SIGHS!

There were reasons I stopped updating the episodes.

So, if you were wondering what’s going on with Vella, now you know. I don’t think a lot of people in my circles know or care about Vella so there’s that. But if you do, and you notice stories you follow changing, or disappearing entirely, this is why.

Again, I have no problem with readers being offered a better reading experience. I participate in Kindle Unlimited for this reason. I do have a problem with writers bearing the brunt of the experience. I believe the providers should make sure they are fairly compensating their creators while making the reader experience better. I do not see how the changes being made to Vella now are fair to the creator. And that is all I’m going to say on the subject.

Speaking of Kindle Unlimited… that’s a much different conversation that needs to be had… again… but I’m just too tired to have it.

Peace,

Mercy

The Halloween stuff is finally put away

I can successfully state that the Halloween décor, not including the year round permanent décor, has been put away. As of today… checks calendar… March 2nd.

Yeah, that’s about how it’s going.

I got sick of looking at it. I’m ready for a spring color change. I’m ready for the pastels and weird rabbits. I don’t have any weird rabbits. I’d really like those flocked velvet looking faceless rabbits Walmart has.

If only every surface in my house wasn’t covered in Ebay shit. I’d have big Easter décor out. Not that I celebrate Easter. I don’t. I see no point of it. I do love me some tulips and bunnies though.

Soo… yeah, that’s what’s on my mind tonight.

Spring, and color and trying to keep my sanity from taking that one last step off the cliff I’ve been balancing on the past few years.

 

Okay, so, yes it’s been a lot of days since I posted. Not because I didn’t have anything to say. I’ve written at least two blog posts since the 17th that I had to set aside to go put out fires in other places, metaphorical fires. By the time I remembered I hadn’t posted it was no longer relevant so I deleted them. And I’ve been locked out of my site again. I have no idea what bluehost is doing but my saved login was rejected last month so I reset it, and the past week or so I was told my login or password weren’t valid. It’s the same saved reset that had been working since early January. But nooo… my email address was no longer the login id, I had to go find the login id I’d had previously and that one worked with the new saved password.

So, yeah. I’m done with this host, even if I do plan to keep a dedicated website, I’m tired of guessing as to how to get into my damn site.

I don’t know what will  happen when the domain and hosting expire around May 10th. I don’t know if this site will remain live as a WordPress site, or if it will cease to exist. In the days leading up to the last day I will begin removing content. I will make my old blogspot site live again, and update it. Then I’ll decide from there. Check the About Mercy tab in the menu for all of my links to follow me where ever you like.

And about that… social media links specifically. It’s been two months since I left social media. Again, specifically FaceBook and Twitter. I never really did have a presence on Twitter, or Insta, or now Threads. I will pop in to catch up on friends but that’s about it. I’m not posting. I don’t see the point. My FB wall never changes. I mean NEVER. I see the same days and weeks old posts every time I go. I have to hunt for people in search to read their posts.

But mostly, I’m tired of trying to pretend to be an extrovert when I’m not. I’m not a bubbly person. I don’t know how to interact with people. I post something. I usually move on. I swear I don’t understand the need to be in author groups. Why do people need that? Why do people need to have engagement with authors? Why? I have some author friends. They’re just people. Usually reclusive weirdos like me. I like being a reclusive weirdo. I don’t like making content. I don’t like having to perform for people. And that’s what it feels like. I have to turn on a smile, and talk about books, and lead book parties, and giveaways, and… you know those ARC groups with so many rules and commitments what the fuck to readers get out of that? Do they like being some author’s whipping post? I do not get that. I don’t do that. I won’t do that. I don’t want to make book sales so badly that I’d do that to people. You want to like my books… go right ahead, read, enjoy, thank you. You want to hate my books, your option too, I’m not for everyone. Please don’t continue to read my books if you don’t like them then act like I’ve done something to you personally. Don’t like it, don’t read it. Move on to something you do like. Be happy. I’m happy being left in my weirdo corner with the little voices in my head.

Yeah, I know, I know. You can’t sell books if you don’t promote them. I get it.

I’d rather never make another sale at all than do mean girl writer club.

But that’s neither here nor there, as I haven’t written a damn word since November, 2022.

So… yeah… SIGHS!

I need a ginormous purple flocked Walmart rabbit. And a million dollars after taxes to pay off my house so I can stop with the Ebay shit.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well where you are, and Spring is springing for you, or Autumn is falling for those in the downunder.

I kinda just want to have a big Alice in Wonderland style tea party…

I think there might be something seriously wrong with me right now.

Peace,

Mercy

 

Oh, Look, A second post in two days

I set out to blog more this year. Life happens and I get sidetracked. Or I get locked out. Mostly, I just don’t have much to blog about. I end up whinging into the ether so I figure it’s better to just stay quiet.

But, meh, I’m sitting here avoiding taxes so why not come on here and fret about shit to get it out of my mind so I can function.

I bought a lot of stuff from Amazon last month. I might do a review post in the next few days. Be ready for that. Unfortunately, I hate shopping on Amazon, but local stores just do not carry the things I need to buy and I get so tired of trying to find individual websites for said items when it’s all right there in one place. Plus all kinds of other shit I didn’t know I needed. I give up. I just go to Amazon and hit add to cart. I found compression socks that actually fit my big feet without rolling down or sliding off. And they are cut for right and left fit, with no seam on the toes. I hate the seam on the toes. I hate socks because of the seam on the toes. These are nice. I looked through every store in WeMo for black work pants for my husband. I finally just gave up and got them from the Zon. Books that aren’t available in the one bookstore in Mobile. Nor in the one across the bay. Yes we went over looking for a book on Wednesday. Kitchen stuff. A new rolling stool with inline rollerblade wheels. Because… reasons.

Yeah, now, if only I could buy certain food items there and get them in a timely manner. I get so tired of hunting for the products I use that just aren’t available here…. sighs.

Speaking of Amazon… I did not appreciate my last week of Prime Video having ads. I was not expecting Mrs Maisel to stop in the exact middle of a scene to show an ad. That show isn’t made to have commercial breaks. You just flat out punched into the middle of a tense argument to show me an ad for some other show on Prime Video and didn’t cut back in at the place where you cut out… not cool… very not cool. No I’m not paying 3 bucks more to watch the only two shows I like on there over and over. Especially not when most of the things I order through Prime take as long as the non-Prime free shipping items take… or longer. What the hell am I paying Prime for if I still get ads, and the two day shipping is more like two week shipping anyway?

Also speaking of Amazon… I just checked the January Kindle Invoice. Seems the Kindle Unlimited per page read rate dropped to $0.0040. It was $0.0043 for December. That’s a loss of about $18 bucks for the tiny amount of page reads I got if January had paid the same as December. So… what the hell do I do? Right now I’m all in. There aren’t enough actual sales to offset the loss. Most of my books never get even one page read much less a straight purchase. December was halfway decent so I thought I’d go all in because there are no sales on the other sites and Kobo Plus doesn’t seem to be working in the US market. I’ve yet to have any reads there or the UK. So????

Now, 13 titles will fall out of KU on October 27, so there is that. Just 10 days left to ride out. The rest are stuck in until April. Because I was stupid. BIG SIGHS! S.I.G.H.S!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I suppose I could ask to have them all removed early. But no sales are still no sales.

I don’t know… does it even matter? I’m not spending money to promote ten year old books. When the stand alones fall out on the 27th do I bother putting them back on Kobo and Apple? How do I get people to buy directly through my store link?

And another thing I’m considering… removing the last 4 Scrimmage books entirely. pretending they never existed.

Anyway… rambling thoughts on a bitterly cold Saturday in February.

 

Peace,

Mercy

 

Mardi Gras Break

It is 3 days after Mardi Gras. Mobile, Alabama has a big Mardi Gras culture. It’s not the biggest Mardi Gras, but it was the first. I do not Mardi Gras. I come from a little town in Florida that did not Mardi Gras. If you’re not in one of the Mardi Gras organizations with their balls and stuff the only thing really to do is go downtown and stand in the cold and rain to catch cheap ass shit. I do not do crowds. At all.

But, that said, back in the day when my older kids were in early school years we got the first three days of this week out every year. Mobile is a very Catholic city so all three because they knew no one would show up on any of those days. Now we get the whole week out. Again, because most people won’t show up. It’s an early spring break and we still get a spring break. It’s nice. We live on the west side of Mobile, far away from the crowds. For a day or two you can actually go out and not deal with traffic and maybe watch a movie in peace. As long as you don’t try to travel downtown or go across the bay from Friday night to Tuesday night when Mardi Gras is at it’s peak, then you’re golden.

Lesson learned the hard way on that, believe me.

We went across the bay on Wednesday. It was a nice sunny, warm almost spring like day.

And here we are, Friday, and it’s cold, and rainy, and dreary. Aubrey is off with friends. I sent the husband and Alaina to Walmart. I have to start working on taxes. Stuff… so much stuff. I was not included in that WSJ football article. It was about Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Why even contact me? I don’t know. I wasn’t mentioned with other authors who also write football. Honestly, it shouldn’t bug me, but it does. It’s like I was judged not worthy… and that’s all I’m going to say on the subject now.

Monday we go back to the grind. The husband back to work. Aubrey back to school. Next day out is Spring Break at the end of April. Seniors usually have their final day shortly after. Graduation is May 13th. My last baby will be grown. It’s hitting hard. No more school, college next year, they’re choosing to live at home. We’re not that far from campus. They don’t want to leave their dog. Guess it’s hard for them too. Ready to go, but not quite yet ready to fly.

Heavy… I know. I’m sorry. I have other things that happened this week that I won’t talk about. So much that I don’t talk about. It’s been… bittersweet.

Anyway, I hope this finds you well. I’m absolutely ready for spring. I’m tired of dreary. But I am no where near ready for summer. I like heat less than I like cold. Anyway….

Peace,

Mercy

February seems to be in a Hurry

Why did January drag on for three and a half years but it seems like February has an appointment somewhere and can’t wait to get there?

It was literally just January… UGH!

Anyway… it’s Super Bowl weekend. And I don’t give a single crap about either team. Like seriously… of course, I haven’t watched a single football game in two years now, so there is that.

It feels weird to not watch football. Really weird. I just don’t care about it anymore. And I don’t know why.

But if I had to pick a team, I’ll go with the 9’ers for Joe.

Speaking of football… I was interviewed by a writer for the Wall Street Journal last week. She said she was writing an article on football romance and found my name on GoodReads. I had to agonize over the invitation. Did I really want to open up that can of worms again? Will it be a positive article? So many mainstream publications treat the romance genre with disdain and only whip out an article around this time each year. I said many, not all. But even the half way decent articles can still come across as condescending. How will she present my work, if she uses it? Gay romance is still far outside mainstream even though there are now mainstream publishers willing to publish it. And gay football… I hate to imagine how that will go over. But I did it. I answered her questions honestly. Why I chose to write gay players. If I know anything about football. If I ever get details wrong… I do. I try not to, but I do. Er… did. Stuff like that. And now we wait. Wait to see if the article is even published. Wait to see if she uses my interview. Wait to see how much damage it might cause… SIGHS………………..

Why yes, I do have trust issues. Why do you ask? See Ellora’s Cave, Silver Publishing, Cobblestone Press, and Pride Publishing for details. Also answers the question as to why I haven’t pursued mainstream publishing and will likely only ever be self-published.

Which brings us back to the question of when will ___________ be released?

I haven’t written a word since November 2022. I don’t know when I’m going to write again. I don’t know if I want to write again. I don’t have anything to say. I don’t have a story to tell. and… unfortunately, don’t want to revisit old characters. Maybe one day. When they’re no longer a sore subject for me. When the hate and anger over those characters fades from my abused psyche… maybe then. I do not have skin thick enough to go through that again.

So… it is what it is.

I was told I suck too many times. I was told I was evil too many times. And I was told that someone should take my characters from me WAY too many times. I was told once that I should be shot…

My advice for new authors… buckle up. But who knows, maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones to come out unscathed with all of your royalties paid.

God, is it too much to ask to be one of the lucky ones? Just once I’d like to know how it feels to not be shit on for a change.

So… yeah, that’s about it for checking in in February. When I get further away from my birthday, maybe the less defeated I’ll feel. Until then… enjoy the game. Have fun. Hope your team wins.

And if you’re not a fan of the game, but are looking for a nice book to read… good luck finding any football romance in all that hockey.

 

Peace,

Mercy

 

Frustrating Week

I have been locked out of my website for much of the last six or seven days. I’ve had this website for four, maybe five years now and I have never had problems with it… Until recently.

They changed the log in page. At least that’s what I see that’s changed. The first time I was locked out was between Thanksgiving and Christmas some time. I hit my bookmarked log in page and it would blip in and out several times then go back to the original log in page. But then it started connecting to a new log in page. One that wouldn’t take my saved username and passwords. Oh, it had the correct username, the password would work every now and then, then it just stopped. I had to change the password, and it wouldn’t recognize my username and I had to jump through some hoops to get back in and get everything set up again. I had to change my password three times to get one that still worked. And then it was fine.

Until last Thursday.

I go directly to the new log in page now. I have the saved username and password. I’m told I don’t have an account. There is no account under this username. Or I try to log in once, and am told I’ve used all of my allowed attempts to try back in an hour. An hour passes, and nothing happens. I give up, wait a day, and I get in on the first try. But when I try to go to my website I am told there are no active websites in my account. And back and forth.

But today I got in.

I don’t know what is wrong with the new version of this host site but it’s become the main reason I’m not renewing this domain in May.

I’d love to say I’m still actively looking for a new website host. I’m not. I was. I think I’ll just reactivate my old blogspot site as a central place to find my books but that’s about it. I’m worn out from it all.

 

Anyway, I got in. Now I can’t remember what I was going to do when I was trying last week.

But, just to let you know, that’s where I’ve been.

I might be Gen-X but I’m too old to care to keep up with technology now.

Bah.

Hope you’re having a wonderful day in this never ending month of January.

Peace,

Mercy