It’s Tuesday Again!

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Okay, so, not much to talk about today. Update on the weekend I guess. We went to the Anime thing across the bay in Daphne. It’s not quite an hour drive if traffic is good. I really like that area of Alabama. I wish we’d bought a house over there when we were looking. I really do. But that’s beside the point.

I dropped them… what do you call your adult children?… I mean Aubrey isn’t 18 just yet but they will be in June and your next kid up, with autism and severe social issues who doesn’t drive will be 29 the week after… so what do you call them… I dropped the kids off… They’re not actually kids anymore. I mean they’re my kids. They’re my babies. They’ll always be my kids and babies. But what term better fits when referring to your adult children as a whole…. anyway, I dropped them off at 11:25 and went on my merry way to find something to do. I was about halfway into the building at the first thrift store I’d planned to hit when I got the text that they were done and ready to go… y’all, it wasn’t even an hour. Last year they stayed close to four hours. Last year, and the year before the civic center parking lot was packed and the closed bank and grocery store across the street were also full of overflow parking. This year those lots were empty.

I guess that’s saying something about the state of that convention at least. The tickets were only twenty bucks. It’s just a one day event. But they said there wasn’t much going on. Only a few voice actors and special guests were there. Not many vendors. They walked around. Spent their money. And got bored.

Eh… I guess it is what it is. Good thing I didn’t go to see The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare like I wanted.

And I do want. I haven’t been to the theater for a movie since November 2019. I saw Knives Out by myself. I really want to see this movie in theaters. I fear it will leave theaters before I get a chance.

Anyway, hmm, what else… it was 89 degrees last Saturday with heavy humidity. Sunday it was 59 degrees. I don’t know what Mother Nature is smoking, but she needs to go to rehab. Okay seriously, I’m not ready for summer temps in late April. But it’s not unusual to be in the upper 80s in late April. May is usually a summer month here. It’s rare that it’s cool after this time of year. And honestly, I don’t mind the 72 degrees that it is today. But I do not appreciate 30 degree temperature drops over night. We’d already put the winter stuff away. Sunday was cold and wet with a frigid wet wind, which made it feel even colder.

No likey. Noooo LIKEY at all.

In other news…

Uh… well… uh… just the heads up that the final ten books will leave Kindle Unlimited tomorrow night. The entire Scrimmage and Adventure INK serieses… series’… seriously, how do you pluralize the word series? that drives me crazy…. will fall out after midnight Pacific time some time, when they get around to it, and will be relisted on Kobo and Apple, and will be free to read in Kobo Plus… and I’m thinking about listing everything with D2D again to see where I can put them. I mean, there’s Barnes and Noble but last year it took ten months to get paid for sales in 2022. They have a 2o buck pay threshold and won’t pay until it’s crossed. Ten months from November 2022 to September 2023 to earn 20 bucks to get paid in October. I see no reason to bother with them anymore. Of course I haven’t even made 150 bucks on Amazon yet this month, and nothing on Kobo and Apple so there is that. I’ve made nearly a hundred in Payhip for the twincest book. So I guess that’s the only book that still gets word of mouth. Because seriously, how is it found? I don’t advertise it in anyway. I try not to think about it. But… that’s the state of my affairs in the book selling world.

Incidentally, I finally broke down and watched several tutorials on Amazon’s Ads and how to set one up. Because I never did understand how to use that. The only thing I didn’t learn was when they take payment for those ads. I set it up for One True Pair. I followed the prompts for click ads and set the limit at 12 dollars a day with the ad fee per click capped at 75 cents… I googled when Amazon takes payment for the ad clicks. I found one source that said they take payment the first week of each month and decided, okay, I can budget for that. At most it’s going to be around a hundred sixty bucks or so and  I get paid on the 29th… and hit launch ad… yeah, I got charged for all the clicks the next day. They came right out of my account without a word of warning. And I still haven’t made one single sale. I took that ad down lickety split. It was less than five dollars, but still. I can’t have money come out daily for any possible sales that I will not receive until June 29th. No, no. There should be something somewhere on Amazon that has that in big, blazing letters. YOU WILL BE CHARGED DAILY FOR ALL CLICKS AND WE WILL DEBIT THE FEES IMMEDIATELY FROM YOUR FUNDING SOURCE!!!!!!

SIGHS!!!!!

I really liked One True Pair. I wish more people had read it. I wish more people had read my last five or six books. I wish I knew how to get word of mouth going again because I sure as hell can’t afford to pay for advertising… but anyway… I’m resigned to the end of this now.

Speaking of endings. This website will close on May 11th. I don’t have four hundred dollars to renew it. I’ve looked at my old blogger blog and honestly, I really don’t care to return to it.

So, if you’re still here, you’ll be the only one who knows that I will post the final chapters of the final Side and Sunday books… those have been written for a long time. And I’ll outline what my plans were for the final Cold book. And then I’m gone.

That’s my thousand words for today.

Hope you are having a great week so far.

Peace,

Mercy

 

Book of the Day

The Adventure INK series

 

This and That

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Eh, not a clue what to write about today. So much and nothing all at once.

I could write about the lovely world of keeping a household running while trying not to strangle the inhabitants of said household.

One day I will have my own place. Just one bedroom, a small kitchen, a small living area, an office/workroom, and a bathroom. A bathroom that only I use. No kids. No pets. No snoring other than my own.

When did that become the dream?

Do other aging Ge-Xers have that dream? I just don’t want to deal with anyone’s shit but my own. God, no I have no interest in retiring. I have no interest in traveling. Okay, I do, I like going places, I just don’t like the getting there part of going. If there was such a thing as blinking and snap… you’re there… I’d like that power please.

Genie or Samantha?

You know, as a kid and teen I thought that question was about power. I was like I can twitch my nose, sooo… okay. But both had really the same powers, I just really don’t want whiplash. It took me a while to realize it was about which one was hotter.

Seriously, I am not that clueless. I swear. I just don’t find women hot. I just pitied them for being stuck blindly loving assholes who were afraid and ashamed of their powers and tried to control them. I loved the aesthetics of Bewitched. I love Endora. But Darren needed to stay turned into a jackass. And Genie, poor clueless, Genie. She didn’t know he was an asshole. She just loved the bastard… okay, was it just me, but did anyone else want Roger Healy to be part of their uh… yeah… I was like ten thinking oh no, they’re getting married and leaving Roger… he needs to be with them…….. so… okey dokey just me?

But no, if I had to say so, I found Elizabeth Montgomery lovelier than Barbara Eden. But I thought Barbara Eden looked like she was having more fun and was probably nicer. Okay… if I had to say so.

I don’t even want a cat.

Saturday I’m taking the two living at home to an Anime Con that’s a little too far to just come home while they are there. It’s just a one day thing. I’m going to be on my own for most of the day. I have no idea what to do with myself for several hours. I could go watch a movie, and there’s one I want to see, but the only day showing ends after the con ends. Soo… guess that’s not happening. I suppose I could go find the thrift stores or browse through Target or Hobby Lobby. The world is my… same old same old.

I need new interests. I need to meet people. Damn I’m boring. And bored.

Anyway, I have to get people to go cut the grass in the backyard while the weather is nice and give my elderly DAWG a bath before he scratches out of his skin. Hard to believe my little Dawg is now elderly, with gray muzzle and eyes. Despite that, and a skin condition, he’s doing pretty good. His seizures are rare but when he has one it’s pretty bad.

Such is life I guess, the husband person is also grey with bad eyes and a skin condition… but well…

Anyway… hope you are having a lovely Saturday, wherever you are. Or Sunday if you’re across the dateline.

Peace,

Mercy

 

Book of the Day

OTP

Talking TV – The Lincoln Lawyer

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The other day I mentioned that I was watching The Lincoln Lawyer series on Netflix. I said it started off like most network law shows and didn’t know if I would finish it.

I finished season one last night. So let’s talk about it.

First, it’s not The Queen’s Gambit. It didn’t kick me in the head and trample all over me and keep me watching until it was all over in seven little hours of on the edge of my seat binge watching. No it wasn’t that good.

But, it wasn’t bad. I was somewhat like a network law show but, being a limited series with an over arching storyline. it moved away from that format.

Did I like it?

Yes, yes I actually enjoyed the series. I haven’t started season two yet so this is just my thoughts on the first season.

There were aspects of the show I didn’t like. And, honestly, it was predictable, and unfortunately slightly cliched for the genre. It’s based on a series of books, so that’s to be expected, I guess. I think they spoon feed you much of the mystery, but then mystery is my second favorite genre and spotting red herrings is my specialty. Also, well, that’s part of the autism/ADHD thing. I’m great at detail. That is my superpower and my curse. It’s also why I don’t like much of what is out there. I hate watching the first five minutes and knowing almost exactly what’s going to go down. And this show didn’t exactly hide it’s culprits… I think the worst thing about this show was that the lawyer was supposed to be a great lawyer, but he had to be hit over the head with much of what was plainly obvious to anyone, even his daughter. That, and I didn’t like the ex-wife storyline. I know why it was necessary, but that would be spoiling. I still didn’t like that much of the drama between them was forced and unnecessary and made her look bitter and angry. Much of what she blamed him for was not something he had control over. I don’t like the angry bitter ex but MC desperately needs to win her back trope just for her to go back to being angry and bitter. Do better male writers. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t at fault, just that the things she focused her anger on were not his fault and were completely out of his hands.

Good supporting cast. More than one mystery to tie up. One that did surprise me, but then that wasn’t a focus of the story. Everything else was painfully obvious. But it was still an enjoyable series, halfway decent mystery thriller. No filler episodes. No nudity or sex. Standard Los Angeles scenery. If you’ve seen one cop drama set in LA you’ve seen them all. But they used the scenery well. Also, why are all LA set shows orange? Is it to portray the desert sun? I don’t know. Is it orange there? I’ve been to San Diego. It wasn’t orange at any time of day. Looked normal… like Florida with mountains.

Anyway, if you have Netflix and were interested, The Lincoln Lawyer is good. Go watch it.

 

Peace,

Mercy

 

Spring Broke

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Mobile County Schools are officially out for Spring Break this week. We take ours later in the spring because of Mardi Gras break, I suppose. It’s actually nice outside today. Not hot yet. I think we hit the 80 degree mark. Low humidity, and bright sun. So what did we do with the first day of Spring Break?

Well, Alaina cut most of the front yard while Aubrey picked up storm debris and I attempted to power wash the front steps. The winter lichen was super thick this year. Unfortunately, I’m washing away more mortar than lichen… and that’s a problem. I got soaked. It’s not warm enough for me to be soaked to the skin with cold water.

We can’t do yard work on Sundays in this HOA. At least we can’t run mowers and other loud yard tools. That doesn’t stop the people who have ATVs from riding them around at full speed from doing whatever they want, but no, no lawn mowers. Which would be nice, if Sunday wasn’t the only full day we have to do that work.

While we were out a Rottweiler dragging it’s chain moseyed up. He looked healthy, not like he was thrown out recently at least. I think he simply broke his chain and took himself for a walk. He started to go after Aubrey but stopped when I shouted No… No. He kind of shrugged and went back to moseying on down the road, to chase a couple guys out for a run.

I don’t understand the people who get big animals, and this guy wasn’t that big, he might have been part Rottie, or just a half grown pup, but he was still bigger than my pups, and keep them outside on a chain. It’s wrong. Poor buddies. If you can’t make them a space inside or at least in a dedicated place inside a fence you shouldn’t have one. Point blank. In fact, I hate collars. I don’t put collars on any of my pets. I hate them. Harnesses for leashes. No collars at all. Nothing in the house or back yard. I can’t stand things around my neck, so I don’t do that to my buddies.

Anyway, enough of that.

One week. That’s all Aubrey has left of school. One week and the few days of special events leading up to graduation on the 13th and they’re done.

It’s done. 28 years of having a kid in public school is over. I’m in that weird, so happy that part of my life is over, but oh my god my baby is grown, stage. And it’s hitting hard.

Harder than it should because of other circumstances, that I won’t go into.

I think my face may be slightly sunburned. Wow… I’m just rambling… but… that’s all I ever do.

So, what’s up for this week? Going to try to get out a couple of days this week, dropping the two left at home at an Anime convention for one, and just getting out of town for another. I’m so sick of this town. If I had some money, I’d love to go on an actual vacation, but I don’t. And I don’t have a pet sitter so there’s that.

About books…

Everything not currently in Kindle Unlimited are live on Kobo and Apple again. I’m not going to update the individual pages because this site will be closing in less than a month. But they’re there. Most of them are now available for a slight discount in my Payhip store. I still have to get a few more up there. I’m just too lazy to bother.

No, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Thanks for asking.

I’m enjoying not worrying about what I write here because I get so very few visitors. I don’t miss social media. AT ALL. Hell, I hate most of it. I hate playing for an audience. I hate worrying something I say will upset someone. And end up upsetting people. I absolutely hate the people who come into my comments and tell me I’ve done something wrong or explain shit to me like I don’t know what I’m talking about… people who never say one damn thing to me unless it’s to nitpick shit. I don’t nitpick anyone. I don’t mess with other people. Hell, I can’t even post my opinion of a damn TV show without getting blessed out for having a differing opinion. Look, y’all do you, you like it, that’s great, carry on, enjoy, sing it from the rafters, I will not come on to tell you why I think it sucked.

Stuff and bother.

Honestly, something happened earlier this year that has damn near destroyed me. It’s hurt most of us. We don’t speak of it. It’s deeply personal. But we’re trying to go on with life as if that something isn’t real. And that hurts… yeah, I know, vague much. I can not and will not discuss this publicly. I’ve only told two people outside my family. But… despite that… maybe because of that, I’ve decided it’s time to stop worrying about other people who don’t give a shit about me. I can’t continue to wallow. It’s time to move on. I’ve lost so much over the past decade. Not a writing career. I have no family left outside of those in this house. I’m related to a lot of people but I don’t know them. So that’s it, my parents are gone, my siblings are gone… it’s just us left. I’m done dealing with loss and grief. I’m tired of allowing others to hurt me.

Yeah, I know, you’re done listening to me rant. Not much left of this but that.

It’s time to figure out how to move forward, and if it’s not this, then… so be it. It’s time to restart… or walk away completely. Now I’m talking about being Mercy.

I can’t write the way I did in the beginning. I may never be able to recapture that voice. But I no longer want to write dark and bitter stories either. I don’t know what I want to write. It’s not football. I do find myself wanting to write something again. I’m torn between writing for money, and writing for self. Once I could do both. Now… I don’t write what sells. I don’t know who I am now to write for that.

So,

That’s my thousand words for the day… I need to control my ADHD and get off my ass and get going.

Peace,

Mercy

 

Book of the Day, My very first published book from way back in 2005. It’s older than my youngest kid. Are you brave enough to see where I began?  Originally published by Ellora’s Cave.

Through the Ghost

Yesterday was Wild

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I guess spring tornado season kicked off with a bang yesterday.

Oh, my, god!

I didn’t know it was coming until I got an email from the county school board on Tuesday announcing school closures for Wednesday (yesterday). Like… that never happens. Just for hurricanes or the occasional ice storm.

And yeah, it was kinda bad. Wave after wave of storms. Driving rain, electrical, winds so strong we had to pull limbs out of the ground today that were literally planted by the storm, flooding, and tornado warnings. All day. I’m pretty sure something passed over the house at one point, which was probably what “planted” the tree limbs.

I heard there were tornadoes and bad flooding over in Slidell and New Orleans LA. I don’t think we had any touch down here, but I haven’t watched the local news… in years… so I don’t really know.

But, we survived. I still need to go out and look at the roof to see if there are any limbs imbedded in it. Other wise we survived. And honestly, I hate to know what the next storms will look like if that was round one.

But, at least the pollen is under control now… so there is that.

 

In other news.

Have you ever avoided watching a TV show for years, one that fascinated you, and you knew you’d probably enjoy, even though you’d seen nothing but rave reviews? And when you finally decide to watch it, you find it so good you binge the whole damn series in one night?

Yeah… me too.

For me, I think, it’s two fold. I don’t trust other people’s judgement in TV. Too many people tell me that something is incredible but I find it terrible. Or they hate it and I love the hell out of it. Or, I’m so very afraid to trust the show to be good and not end up destroying their own premise and plot by the end until I feel betrayed by the actual show… (See The Magicians, season 4).

Well, I finally broke down and watched The Queen’s Gambit on Netflix. A period piece about a girl chess player.

Y’all… that show was incredible. From beginning to end. It’s dark drama. Not horror, just, very much like what I write. And that’s what I look for. I want drama, with some trauma, but not enough trauma to trigger my own. Oh, I’ll still watch the trigger drama trauma, but I’ll just be fucked up for a while after it.

TQG starts with Beth standing on the side of the road in the late 50s or so, dirty, stunned, and pans to the scene of a car accident. She was the only survivor. It follows her through her years at the girls orphanage/school. How she is very much autistic and different. And goes from there… it’s not just a chess movie. Though it 100% is a chess show. It’s about her coping with her life before the orphanage, and her path through the chess world… to self.

Without being too spoilery, that’s it in a nutshell. There’s sex but no nudity. Substance abuse and addiction themes. But considering the time period and her past those would be strange not to be included.

So, if you’ve been circling it, and love period dramas with a “sports” underdog theme… this is highly recommended.

Now, I’m trying to watch Resident Alien, and am struggling with it. I like the show okay. I have problems with the alien’s humiliating attempts to fit in with humans. It’s the second hand embarrassment issue I’ve talked about. It makes me uncomfortable watching him made a fool of. I’m trying to get past it because the story otherwise is good.

And I started The Lincoln Lawyer series last night. I don’t know, it’s too network TV coded for my tastes, and I don’t like network TV crime drama/copaganda shows. The only show I watch on network is Ghosts on CBS. Have I ever mentioned that I don’t like sitcoms? I loathe sitcoms. Especially the ones with laugh tracks. LOATHE!

Why yes, I am a picky media consumer. I either love the hell out of it, or loathe it with a white hot fury. I absolutely refuse to acknowledge the existence of Supernatural season 15. To me, that show ended with a cliff hanger. And I will forever be saddened by that.

Anyway, I hope everyone in the path of the storm survived it unscathed. And happy media consuming to you. I’m going to give Lincoln Lawyer another go tonight.

Peace,

Mercy

 

 

Last Day Alert

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It’s the last chance… for romance… in KU-uuuu!

Ha!

Okay, sorry… but yes, the last day for those ten titles is upon us. Tomorrow, to be exact. Tomorrow night, okay, well, Thursday morning very early sometime, unless the Zon randomly decides to check the stay in box again. They do that. Every damn time. I uncheck, and double and triple check the uncheck, but every time books fall out, one or two stay in. I go check, and sure enough, the stay in box is checked. At least they allow you to uncheck on that day only to remove the title from KU… so there is that…. What was I saying?

Oh, yeah, if you still haven’t read the following titles in Kindle Unlimited, you have until around midnight Pacific time tomorrow night to get them into your KU library. Books in your KU library will stay in your library until you return them. But once they are out of KU you can’t get them into your library.

While I’m at it, let’s talk about how KU works for the author/publisher… when you the reader borrow a book with your KU membership, we the author/publisher will be paid a tiny amount per each page that you read. One time. Only once. If you keep a book to re-read in your KU library, we will never get another less than half cent for any of those pages read. That’s not to say you shouldn’t. We were (hopefully) paid for your original read, just like we’re paid for one original purchase through the zon. I’m just saying that there are readers who do believe we are paid every time they read the book in KU. We aren’t. I’d highly recommend keeping an eye out for sales on favorite books you’d like to keep forever, and purchasing those books. It will free up space in your library for more new stories to read.

Though, it would be nice if KU did pay out for every page read no matter how many times… but they don’t. So… alas.

What was I saying… again?

Oh, yeah,

Grab these titles quickly if  you haven’t already, they will be out tomorrow night.

Through the Ghost

Sunny with a Chance

Double Coverage

Wicked Game

In from the Cold

Cold Shadow

Behind Iron Lace

Behind Frosted Lace

Need You Now

Light from the Dark

All links above are Amazon affiliate links, if you should purchase anything through the link I will be compensated a small amount.

And a gentle reminder that the remaining books, The Southern Scrimmage and Adventure INK series’ will fall out at midnight-ish April 24th.

And also, in about a month this site will likely disappear due to lack of funds to renew it. If or when that is final I will post new links to old blogs in case you want to continue to read my ramblings.

 

That’s it for today. I’m going to fill out Aubrey’s FAFSA now, so pray for me. Tomorrow we’re going to start painting the kitchen. Nearly 9 years in this house and we still have builder beige in the main rooms.

Talk later, and as always,

Peace,

Mercy

Ugh!

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This has not been the best week.

I know it’s only Thursday, but, it’s just been one long horrible fucking week so far.

Started over the weekend when the sewage drain backed up. Late Saturday night to be exact. Everything sent down the drain started flooding out from under the toilet in my bathroom. I spent the entire weekend cleaning sewage water off my floor. Why does stuff like that happen on the weekend? Why does it happen on a holiday weekend?

Since I didn’t have enough to pay a plumber for a weekend, much less, an Easter Sunday call, we had to wait until Monday to get the pipes cleared out. $230 bucks. literally down the damn drain. It would have been $380 for the same twenty minute visit on Sunday.

Seriously, go into plumbing if you can. That is where the money is.

It’s just been downhill since then. My bathroom now smells like mildew. I can’t find the source. I’ve cleaned it, and cleaned it. I can’t see anything in the baseboards that makes me think there’s water damage, so it must have seeped behind into the drywall… isn’t that fun?

We’re just now, late Thursday getting the last of the towels washed. It’s taken three an a half days to get through them. We used every single solitary towel in this house before I remembered I have a carpet cleaner that can suction up the overflow water. It’s taken so long because we’re washing each load twice, just to make sure we got all of the sewage out. I swear the washer hasn’t stopped running. And the dryer is ready to quit and join the circus I do believe.

And it’s been downhill ever since.

I’d use the term cascade but that’s taking the theme too far.

I don’t know. It’s like… I just sat in my chair yesterday staring at my computer wanting to do something but I kept getting teary and I don’t know why. Like… I hit some wall and I keep hitting it and I can’t stop hitting it. And the wall is giving out at the base and I know it’s going to fall on me but I keep hitting it. Does that make sense?

I’m tired. So yeah, it’s all cascading down on me. Health, finances, other people’s needs. I can’t keep going this way and I know it, but there’s not one damn thing I can do to stop it.

I need to write something. I need to rebuild. I need to do something. I searched myself on TikTok last night. I don’t exist. I’m so far back in relevancy I may as well not exist. But then I’m more relieved to have found nothing than to find hate postings about my work, so I guess there’s that.

I don’t know… is it better to be forgotten than to be hated?

I know there are people who still find my work and love it. I thank you so much. You are in the minority.

Ah, it’s another whine and complain post… rinse repeat…

 

So, enough of that, let’s just skip to the reminders.

The next round of books leaving Kindle Unlimited will be out on the 10th. That will just leave the Scrimmage and Adventure INK series in, and they leave on the 24th. I have no plans to return to KU this year. If I drive over to Florida before Saturday and accidentally buy the winning billion dollar lottery ticket, then all of my books will disappear… but since that’s not happening, I guess they’re safely going to be available at Amazon, Apple, and Kobo for the foreseeable future.

Uh, what else… I desperately need to refresh the Crescent Moon and Shift in Time covers. And maybe the Beyond Complicated cover. I’d like more of a fantasy style cover for the two witch books but BC is too hard to get right. Not in the financial cards right now.

Which brings me to the discourse on book covers on social media and all of the cartoon covers. I don’t like them. I mean, I think One True Pair and Falling Back could probably stand a cartoon cover, but I still don’t like them. I need something darker for River’s Edge. I think that story might have made two hundred bucks in the last year and a half. So, not worth trying. I’m happy with the series’ covers. All of them. The MM cover trends seem to be staying roughly the same. There are some cartoons and some dark fantasy covers, but mostly it’s still hot men. At least for contemporary. I do still play with the idea of paperbacks but I’ve never done well with those, I’ve never made back what I spent to produce them, so again, there is that. Audio… I’d love to. I can’t afford it. And there aren’t any narrators who can do a decent southern accent to save their lives, so, no. That’s not  happening.

I do still consider trying Patreon again. I have no follow through, and no ideas how to keep it going. I don’t know what I’m going to do with the straight romances I’ve written. I hate that one football MM I’ve been delaying for years now. So… yeah. Not a clue as to what to do there. No support group. No one to talk any of this over with… blah blah blah.

I don’t craft anymore. I just bought new fabric that I saw and had to have but I have no urge to pull out the sewing machine, nor even what to make with it. So… blah. I think I’m going to start selling my jewelry making supplies. Maybe do one big grab bag/box. Again, BLAH!

And then there’s this website. It’s going to cost more than I make in a month of book sales just to renew for one year. I think May 12th or so will be the final day on here. I honestly think I’m just going to let it all go. I can’t muster any excitement for it, and anyone who reads my drivel can tell I’m done. I just haven’t had the guts to walk completely away yet. But that’s coming.

Anyway… that’s my thousand words for today.

Hope you are having a better week than I am.

Peace,

Mercy

 

Get ’em while they’re still in KU!

April has Arrived!!!

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Happy DAY!

I don’t like pranks at all. I have severe embarrassment issues. Second hand embarrassment too. Oh my god, I can’t watch or read stuff that seems to be setting up humiliation for the characters. I hate it. I still to this day, skip the scene in Princess Diaries 2 on the horse with the fake leg. I saw the set up coming and could not deal with it so I fast forward every time. Maybe it wasn’t that embarrassing. By her tears I’d say it was. I can’t do it.

And I don’t write it. It’s the one thing I can never bring myself to write. Intentional humiliation. I can’t. I don’t try to, but sometimes when I feel like I’m moving to accidentally humiliate someone, I walk away for a bit to figure out how to rework the scenes leading up to that point. I won’t intentionally humiliate because well, one, I like to think I’m a decent person, but for two, I’ve had it happen many times. I was bullied in school. I will not do it in my fictional worlds either. Not even by the bad guy.

Therefore, one of the main genres of both romance and cozy mystery is something I can’t stand. The rom-com. God, I hate rom-coms. I hate the cozies with the rom-com flavor.

Why? Because most of the com in the rom is nothing more than the heroine being a klutz, or a series of unfortunate events that ends with a dogs face in someone’s crotch. No likey.

Most comedy in the books I’ve read isn’t comedy. It’s a humiliation kink. And I hate them. Oh the girl is a ditz. She’s so cute and funny, look she tripped, look her puppy escaped or wrapped her in the leash or dragged her in the mud. Haha laugh and point.

It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining. It’s lame.

Funny is witty banter, or some other such device that doesn’t rely on one person being the butt of a joke, constantly.

Jesus, people, stop doing that.

And while I’m talking about what I don’t like in fiction… I loathe submission humiliation stories. Granted most of the ones I’ve read were poorly written BDSM where the sub never actually agrees to anything. It’s forced submission at best, at worst it’s torture. I don’t get the appeal of that. That’s not to say that I haven’t read good BDSM, I have. And I do love a little non-con. I just can not stand the humiliation kink stories. Especially the non-con kind.

Also, if you’re going to write BDSM, first, do it correctly. Second, don’t sneak it into what looks like a regular contemporary story. Put a damn trigger warning on that if you’re not making it explicitly obvious either in the blurb or by the cover. It’s one of the things I will actually leave a negative review on.

Yes, I do review on Amazon. If I read the book to the end. I never review books I don’t finish. If I like it and if it has something I feel needs to be acknowledged like surprise non-con humiliation kink BDSM. No, I don’t review under my pen name or my real name.

I’ve read one book to the end this entire year. So, it’s not like I review anything that often.

God, I need something good to read. Nothing is good. And I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not me, it’s not that my tastes have changed. It’s not even that I’ve become more exacting in what I read. It really is that the glut in both of my favorite genres is chock full of poorly written stories that finding the good stuff is impossible now.

I don’t know… how does anyone find anything to read that isn’t by the same five pen names all the damn time? I don’t like Mpreg. I don’t like hockey. I don’t like rom-coms. I don’t like daddy kink. I don’t like alpha/omega. I don’t mind age-gap but I do mind the sugar daddy infantilization of the younger partner. I don’t like kink play of any kind. That feeds into the humiliation thing.

I do like the hater to lover trope, I do love the forced proximity trope. I do love small town contemporary. I love good fantasy. I love historical, but I’m meh on Regency. I love cozy to suspense mystery. In short, I’m picky as hell.

So…

You know it’s always a surprise as to what I’ve actually blogged about… by the time I’ve gotten this far it really is a case of “huh, this isn’t what I meant to blog about” but this time, I did kinda stick to the original thought. So… SURPRISE!

Hope you’re having a lovely first day of April. Hoping you’re doing well.

Will talk again later.

Peace,

Mercy

Take… Infinity!!!!

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I’ve lost track of how many posts I’ve started over the past couple of weeks or so only to have something come up, save the post to draft, and never get back to the post.

Three, maybe five. By the time I can get back the need to discuss that has died, or the reason is no longer timely.

Meh. Does it really matter? No one reads blog posts anymore anyway. It’s a dying medium.

It’s dead.

I think I’m the only writer I know who still attempts a blog. Most websites are just that, websites. Static pages with, usually, out of date book news.

I should go back to social media.

Should.

I do visit social media. I check FB and Twitter (no, I will not call it the new name) daily. I keep up with world events on Twitter. I keep up with rage baiting on Twitter too. I try to limit Twitter to save my sanity. On FB I check in on friends, maybe comment, but I rarely see anything new, and honestly, the longer I’m avoiding posting the more I feel left behind.

I am not going to say I feel abandoned by friends. I do, but it’s not their fault. I chose to move out of their neighborhood, so to speak, and now I’m an outsider looking in. But really it’s more like… I never fit in there to begin with and I was pasting on a fake grin and attempting to be normal. When I’m not normal.

Honestly, I just got tired of posting vapid, inane comments about the weather or my pets because I couldn’t think of anything engaging to discuss.

I don’t go anywhere anymore. I don’t meet anyone. I keep to myself. I don’t get around well anymore. I don’t have time or transportation… so, yeah, as I become more isolated, I isolate more. I am aware of what I’m doing. I just really don’t much care to attempt a course correction.

I have real friends. People I’ve known forever, and we keep in touch, but like me they’re busy, we’re all busy. We’re old and busy with lives that don’t include each other. As it should be, but damn, it gets lonely sometimes. Of course, I could be lonely in a room full of people, and let’s be honest, I’m, usually, lonelier in a room full of people.

So, yes, I’ve been busy shutting down, and sometimes I feel forgotten. But that’s been the way of it my entire life. I have been forgotten mid-sentence on more than one occasion. Had people turn their back on me and take up a conversation with someone else right in front of me as if I suddenly ceased to exist…

Sighs… I don’t know if I’m feeling sorry for myself right now. Honestly, I can’t tell. Honestly, I feel… strangely free. I don’t know how to explain it.

Like I was going through the motions but wasn’t really there with people I knew weren’t really there for me, just… I don’t know…

Part of this is because we’re exactly one month away from the end of my youngest’s high school days. A month and a half until graduation. And that’s all I’m living for. To get this one last baby grown, and onto their next phase of life. Which opens up a whole nuther can of worms. That with each passing month is driven home, that I have spent my entire life, all of it, taking care of the people I love, knowing damn well that the people I love wouldn’t even bother to step over me if I fell in front of them. Not including my youngest. At least not yet. I believe they’ve watched their siblings turn into the people they became and has felt that rejection even more keenly that I have. But that’s a topic I don’t often discuss… I share a room with a person that will not notice if I died in my sleep… and to know that, to live with that knowledge of just how little you mean to the people who mean the most to you… it’s… numbing.

But here I stay, because, hell, does it matter. I stayed this long.

Is this post about books and stories and social media or the things I don’t talk about?

It’s all the same. I write to deal with the part of life I have no control over. I write to keep myself sane. The part I have no control over now controls me and destroys my urge to write.

I don’t want to write about happy ever afters when there really is no such thing… rinse, repeat.

Then there’s the state of the publishing world. The constant drama. The constant scandal. The oversaturation of shitty books. Authors who behave so very badly and give the rest of us a bad name. Entitled readers who destroy the moment their demands aren’t met… round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel…

I’m just fucking exhausted. I’m sick of everybody’s shit. I’m absolutely fucking over all of it.

So, yes, I’ve done in my online life what I want to do in my real life. Walk away. I want to sell everything I own, park my kid in college… as much as I love them and feel they are the best part of my life right now… I want to spend the rest of my life, not taking care of anyone but me.

Will I do that?

No. I can’t afford to walk away anymore than I can afford to walk away from writing. But sometimes… SOMETIMES…

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Me, I’d pay off my house, and… well, that would be telling, now wouldn’t it…………..

 

Mercy

Saturday Musings

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How is it already the middle of March?

The eternal question isn’t it?

So let’s talk books and bookish stuff today while dog two barks his fool head off at everything that passes by outside.

My books.

Okay, right now we are headed into the home stretch of about half the books still in Kindle Unlimited, leaving KU… does that make sense? The phrasing. I swear sometimes I can’t remember how to string words together.

Those include the last of the stand-alones and the cold and lace series. April 10th will be the last day to get the following books into your KU library if you haven’t already:

Through the Ghost

Sunny with a Chance

Double Coverage

Wicked Game

Behind Iron Lace

In from the Cold

Need You Now

Light from the Dark

Behind Frosted Lace

and

Cold Shadow

 

And April 24th will be the final day for the Southern Scrimmage Series and the Adventure INK series.

I’ll be all out for the rest of the year.

However, you can go over to Kobo and read everything, including Under a Crescent Moon, free in Kobo Plus.

 

What else?

Uh, Payhip… If it’s not in KU it’s live on Payhip for 99 cents less if you’d like to buy it. I’d appreciate it if you did. I get the money immediately, not two months from now. As the books drop out of KU I’ll make them live in my store again. I do have a few titles that I haven’t listed to payhip. I need to get those up. The new Light from the Dark is one. The others are books no one seems interested in so I haven’t been too much in a hurry to bother.

I do have a few copies of 3 print books still in stock, they’re no longer for sale anywhere else. You can get them signed and shipped, from my payhip store.

After that, there’s not much else to talk about book wise.

Half of my library is available at Amazon, Apple, Kobo, and Payhip. You can read everything on Kobo in Kobo plus with their subscription service. Click the menu above for Stand Alone and Series titles, then click the cover photo for blurbs and buy links.

 

Now, random shit for the sake of randoming…

Meh, not much to talk about really. Just basic bitching about the state of the book business in general if you want to hear about it.

Amazon posts the pay rates and earnings data on the 15th of the month. So, yesterday they posted for February. I haven’t checked it yet. I usually do a book sales and page read accounting on the 2nd of each month then compare that with the official accounting on the 15th. I usually go to the Excel doc to calculate the pay rate for page reads. Last month, the rate for January had fallen to $0.00403 per page read US currency. That was probably the lowest I’ve ever seen it. It used to hover around $0.0044, something or other. That’s a significant drop when you’re counting thousandths of a penny.

With the rising cost of KU subscriptions and the falling payout to authors… I don’t know why authors stay in it. I mean other than the fact that there’s no real sales in wide release. I can understand the fast food genre of books to that extent I guess. Books have no monetary value any more. Just content. Two or three AI or recycled ghost written stories a month in KU is enough to keep someone in money. But I just can’t do that. And that’s what we’re competing against.

For the record, I write every single word of my books. I struggle with plot and timing and getting the story that I want to tell out of my head. I have never taken a shortcut when writing. Never and I never will. I can write a short story in a week, but that’s just the first draft. The second and third draft take more time. Editing and revisions take time. For longer stories it takes me months, sometimes a year. Writing… creating… takes time. It takes dedication… it takes determination. It literally takes blood, sweat, and tears. And I’m not willing to sacrifice that to compete with AI generated books. And Amazon is quite literally ate up with AI crafted stories by people who couldn’t write their way out of a paper bag.

And that’s the market now.

It’s been that way for a long time.

Now before someone gets their knickers twisted, there are people who can write fast, from scratch. But even they can’t churn out long stories two or three times a month. It’s not possible. Or it’s not good.

Am I angry about it?

Not anymore. I was. For a long time. Now, I’m just sad.

I’m sad because so many writers that started out around the time I did that I genuinely loved their work are now gone. They were either bullied out, or couldn’t compete and just gave up. And that’s the shame of it all.

What makes me angry though, are readers who bitch and moan about the lack of quality books in their favorite genre, but are very quick to tear down the writers and I do mean writers, who are trying, and most times brilliantly, for not meeting their exacting standards. It makes me angry because they don’t like the AI stuff but actively work against those that don’t cut the corners for multiple releases each month.

You can’t have it both ways.

So there are typos… have you read the shit that passes for stories now? You don’t like the grammar… you didn’t like this that or the other… so you bully and one star and actively contribute to the reason writers stop writing.

The cold hard truth of publishing, especially as an indie, is that it costs a fortune, in time, and money, to produce a book. Editors are hard to come by, and expensive. Great editors are not attainable, even if you have the money. One round of editing is not enough, two or three rounds are needed, and all of that costs. Covers, good covers, cost. Promotion costs. The time of relevance for a book now days is less than a week. You have a week and then it’s old and forgotten. A week is not enough time to build word of mouth. I don’t think word of mouth even exists anymore. If you can’t get something on BookTok then you are SOL. (that’s shit out of luck for those that don’t know).

And on top of that, there are literally thousands of new AI written books out every week. If they are well promoted, they hit, make the money, then fade in time for the next book to hit.

There is no competing in this market.

I can say that I probably cost myself my career. I’m not exactly likable. I am socially awkward. I am blunt. I say what I think when I think it. I was bitter and angry and I drove people away. I own that shit. The rest of it… yeah, I can’t compete. I can’t afford to write. I have 33 published books that make no money.

It is what it is… there’s no changing that. I stopped asking for anything. It is what it is.

But now you know at least some of it.

There’s tons more. I don’t have a monkey in any of those circuses so I don’t speak of it.

I’m not saying this to shame people who use AI or read KU. Y’all do what works for you. I don’t use AI but I do have KU because I’m broke as fuck and that’s all I can afford. I get it. I know.

I’m just posting to hear myself post. It’s all about the content. We live and die by content.

This is my content.

You know where to find me.

Peace,

Mercy